1-11-2019

They always say the people who experience the most pain are the best writers. Well, I spent 2017 in the hospital and the hospice. I was planning for my death...Then, in 2018 my son passed away...Then I got ghosted by a fake friend of 15 years. Do I qualify as someone who would be considered a good writer due to pain?

These days I feel like I want to run away...Even though I cannot run, or walk, or stand...I am stuck in a wheelchair right now. It sucks, but I try to make the best of it. I feel there is no need to mope round. I like fun and silly things. I can be serious, but I choose not to be most of the time. I want to be happy, and I am not naive enough to believe that others will make me happy, so I have to make me happy. I wear fun glasses. I sing silly songs. I have an extremely dry wit. I am a star at puns...I am truly pretty happy...I do take 2 different meds for my clinical depression, they help me with my happy.

2018 flew by, and now it is 2019...Jan. 11...11 days have flown by so far and what am I doing with my life!?

A new year, a new resolution. I will get in shape and get my ass out of this wheelchair. I, in no way, have a need to be skinny...What I need to be is stronger, and that is my goal. Muscle weighs more than fat so maybe I will become even heavier...I can deal with that, a lot of society cannot...Oh well, sucks to be them. I actually find it funny that most of society has issues with people being plus sized. We're here, we're fat...GET USED TO THAT!

 

1-12-19

Uh oh, Molly Roxx is on a diet! She can't be on a diet, she represents plus sized people all over the place!!

I am not on a diet, I am working on a few lifestyle changes. I need to get healthier so, I am eating all I want, every day, just as I always have...I am however only eating 5 things. Fruit, vegetables, yogurt, chicken, and Healthy Choice/Progresso soup. I need to make sure that my arteries don't clog now that I am middle aged. I need to get rid of this damn adult acne that has all of a sudden decided to fuck with me. I need to keep my MS and allergies in check, and I need to get some weight off of my arthritic knees. I have a lot on my plate. I will never be a skinny mini. I will never not stick up for the rights of plus sized people. But, I can become a healthier version of the same sarcastic, silly, witty, pain in the ass that I have always been and always will be.

I started my new eating plan on the first. I have lost 13 pounds so far. Once I start to feel healthier, I am going to try and quit smoking...for the hundredth time. I recently tried the patch, but it gave me some pretty heavy heart palpitations, so I can't use that again. I am going to look into some herbal supplements that may help me quit. I am a huge believer in herbal supplements!

 

1-13-19

Today is my son's birthday. He would have been 19. Adonia, Harmony, and I got helium balloons and wrote birthday wishes on them and then set them free to float up in the sky, hopefully to Heaven.

I miss him so much! He was the best part of me. He was my everything. He was so loved...I hope he knew that.

When I am depressed I do various body modifications. Today I got snake bite piercings.

My diet is still going well. I am munching on cucumber and apple slices. It's kinda hard to chew with 2 fresh piercings so they may actually help with my eating habits and lifestyle change. Fingers crossed!

 

1-14-19

I am quite the yogurt fan. Yoplait is my favorite brand. Right now, I am enjoying a Dunkin' French Vanilla Latte Yoplait Whips. It's fabulous! I have quite the sweet tooth, and switching from cookies and brownies and whatever else to the Yoplait Whips has been much easier than I thought it would be. Old habits are usually really hard to break, but thanks to yogurt, I broke the second hardest one. The first hardest one is cigarettes...I will work on quitting, but I have learned in the past that I cannot do it cold turkey. So, I am just trying to cut down gradually.

I got two facial piercings yesterday. I got snake bites. I really like the way they turned out but, damn!!! They hurt to get done!

 

1-15-19

Do you ever just wonder how you're supposed to feel in a certain situation? Today I feel kinda numb to the world. I really just don't know what to feel...It's been a pretty boring day, but now that it is night I feel borderline depressed, but kinda sleepy and kinda dizzy...it's rather weird.

I got my mohawk back today. Green hair, facial piercings, and my mohawk...I am finally feeling like myself again.

I lost myself for a bit in 2017 and 2018. I was in the hospital for most of 2017 and I was in court trying to get my son back from foster care where he had to go when I was in the hospital. I dealt with court dates until Aug. 20. It was crazy! The judge didn't think a single parent in a wheelchair could take care of an 18-year-old, special needs child. She didn't seem to care that! had raised him by myself since he was 2 months old, and that I was in and out of a wheelchair due to MS during that time. Our system is so broken. Child abusers get their kids back to abuse them again but me...well, I was in a wheelchair, so that makes evil, so that I can't have my son? They kept him away from me for so long and they sent him back to me on the wrong meds and sick and 3.5 weeks later he passed in his sleep from complications from Epilepsy, and I should havehad more time with him, but our damn system played with me in court for several months for absolutely no reason. I have never been so angry and pissed and absolutely saddened by anything in my life! They stole my child, and then pumped the wrong meds in him for a year and sent him back to me sick, and he passed. My belief is that the CPS workers and the Republican judge killed my child. They stole my best friend. They killed the love of my life.

 

1-16-2019

I went to the Dollar Tree yesterday and they had some jellybeans...One of my favorite fat free candies...So I read the bag and it had almost 500 calories for the whole bag....and it's a small bag...so I didn't buy it, and I am so proud of myself for that! Baby steps to a new me...as long as I stay on track, a healthy life is just around the corner for me!

 

1/19/2019

I am what I call a research whore, so when it came to me finally getting my shit together and putting my health first, I researched the hell out of what would work best for me, and I have decided to share a few tips here and there that seem to work well for me and why they work well for me. Let me start by saying that the doctors who say that weight loss after 40 is really hard, yeah, I agree lol,, but I have found some things that are really working well for me. Here's one tip now.

I eat a few servings of alkaline vegetables and fruits a day. Alkaline fruits and veggies can reset one's digestive system to make weight loss a little bit easier than diets that do not include them.

Alkaline Fruit & Veggie List That I Enjoy: (There are several more of these foods, but I have listed my faves only.)

Apples/cider, apricots, avocados, bananas, berries, dates, grapes, grapefruit, lemons, limes, olives, oranges, peaches, pears, pineapple, all melons, raisins, and tangerines.

Artichokes, asparagus, bamboo shoots, lima beans, string beans, broccoli, cabbages, carrots, celery, cauliflower, corn, cucumber, garlic, horseradish, lettuce, mushrooms, onions, parsley, peas, bell peppers, potatoes, pumpkin, sauerkraut, spinach, sprouts, squash.

 

1-20-2019

OMG cramps! I don't think there is anything harder about dieting than dieting during my time of the month. I want candy and carbs and gummy bears! Oh well, I would rather be healthy so...Veggie soup and chicken will be great!

 

1-22-19

The diet is going well. I am in love with the Healthy Choice soups I get from the Dollar Tree. Dieting while poor is hard, but if you do thrifty shopping, it is possible. Frozen veggies at Wal-Mart, 88 cents a bag...I am making it work!

 

1-24-2019

My diet is going very well. I admit I miss a few foods, but I am never hungry, and I am starting to notice less plain and less bloating and just overall happier feelings and more energy. It's about dang time I stuck to a healthier lifestyle. I love the way it feels!

 

1-25-19

Let’s talk about potatoes! Not sweet potatoes…I hate those little, orange fuckers, let’s talk about the regular, yellow, baking potato…God’s gift to all of us from beautiful Idaho! They are not keto friendly, but neither am I, so who cares?! This is just some of the wonderful things you get from potatoes…No fat, lots of calcium, and lots of potassium. Sounds good to me and tastes even better!

Up until recently I had quite the pasta addiction and now, I just eat potatoes in place of all pastas. You can make salads and side dishes and soups and casseroles with them…They’re awesome! Yeah, I am excited about potatoes, lol…It happens.

 

1-27-2019

I spend every day giving myself busy work and just waiting for the day to be over, so I can go back to sleep. I feel like I have no real friends. I feel like I am all alone. This is not a cry for help. I am not suicidal, but I am sad. I work hard, and I can barely afford to live. I do my physical therapy and follow my diet and I am still stuck in this damn wheelchair. I’m just sad. My sadness will not make me lose focus tho. I still get my work done. I still do my therapy. I still follow my diet…But, I do all of it alone, and I smile at passerby’s, and I sing happy ditties to my cat…and I wait until sleep consumes me…every day…alone.

 

1/28/2019

Do you ever just feel lost, even though you know exactly where you are? it's like, why am I here?  How did I get here? Why am I staying here? I just have no idea what is going on with my life. I work, and work and work and I am broke and struggling and lost...Oh well...on a happy note...

My diet is still going well. I am eating a ton of fresh fruit and lots of steamed veggies and baked chicken and great soups. I have gone down 2 pant sizes and 2 ring sizes, but my tops seem to fit the same. I have lost weight in my face too. I now only have 1.5 chins. I also stood today with my walker and was able to let go for a few seconds and stood on my own. Baby steps to a healthier me...Maybe when I am healthier I won't feel so lost. Maybe I will finally feel like I fit somewhere.

 

1/29/2019

Let's talk about negative calories foods.

You can have as many of these negative calorie foods as you like without any weight gain, and that's because digesting these foods burns up more calories than what they essentially have. Therefore, reversing the calorie addition. This does not mean that these negative calorie foods do not contain calories, but only the fact that your body ends up burning more calories than what you eat.

There are several negative calorie foods, but here are the top 10 in my book:

Celery, berries, grapefruit (pink is my favorite), carrots, cucumbers, watermelon, apples, zucchini, broccoli, and lettuce.

So, have a big salad or a big fruit salad, every day. Get healthier with great tasting foods. Seems like a win/win to me. I have been eating a lot of apples and cucumbers. They have really helped me feel full with my new way of eating, and feeling full for me is what it's all about. I used to always feel hungry on diets and that's why this time, it's different. That's why this time I am not calling how I am eating a diet but an actual lifestyle change. I know I will not go back to my old eating habits because I am NEVER hungry, so I never feel like I need to cheat...I love it!

 

1/30/2019

Let's talk about artificial sweeteners...Do your best...TO STAY AWAY FROM THEM! A lot of scientific studies prove the link of artificial sweeteners to various neurological impairments. One study I read says MS is caused by aspartame. I used to have a pretty serious diet cola addiction and then I got diagnosed with MS...it may just be a coincidence, but according to the study, it's not! On the rare occasion that I use a fake sweetener I choose Sweet n' Low...It seems to have the least harmful side effects.

My healthy new lifestyle is really wonderful. I feel better. I look better, and I am truly never hungry. Not being distracted by hunger pangs helps me to be able to concentrate on my work more so I am being about twice as productive than usual. I a really just feeling great...Great physically anyway. I am hoping mentally I start to feel better soon too...Fingers crossed!

For breakfast today, I had a pink grapefruit and an apple. I love fresh fruit!

 

1/31/2019

Today for breakfast I am having a ruby red grapefruit with some Sweet N’ Low sprinkled on it. 1 small apple, and 1 serving sized container of unsweetened applesauce. Unsweetened is the way to go with applesauce. It’s still very sweet, but it has half the calories and none of the added sugar.

I am slowly trying to become a vegetarian. I eat fruit, vegetables, yogurt and chicken and soup right now. I am planning to cut it down to just fruit, vegetables and yogurt. Some people may  find this to be very extreme, but it will get me all of my nutrients, kill no animals, still be all I can eat, and hopefully help my health drastically. I also take a one—a-day vitamin 2x a day to make sure I have all of the vitamins my body needs. I drink 2-3 cups of Emergency a day too.

 

1/31/2019

Today for breakfast I am having a ruby red grapefruit with some Sweet N’ Low sprinkled on it. 1 small apple, and 1 serving sized container of unsweetened applesauce. Unsweetened is the way to go with applesauce. It’s still very sweet, but it has half the calories and none of the added sugar.

 

I am slowly trying to become a vegetarian. I eat fruit, vegetables, yogurt and chicken and soup right now. I am planning to cut it down to just fruit, vegetables and yogurt. Some people may find this to be very extreme, but it will get me all of my nutrients, kill no animals, still be all I can eat, and hopefully help my health drastically. I also take a one—a-day vitamin 2x a day to make sure I have all of the vitamins my body needs. I drink 2-3 cups of Emergency a day too.