1-16-2019
I went to the Dollar Tree yesterday and they had some jellybeans...One of my favorite fat free candies...So I read the bag and it had almost 500 calories for the whole bag....and it's a small bag...so I didn't buy it, and I am so proud of myself for that! Baby steps to a new me...as long as I stay on track, a healthy life is just around the corner for me!
1-15-19
Do you ever just wonder how you're supposed to feel in a certain situation? Today I feel kinda numb to the world. I really just don't know what to feel...It's been a pretty boring day, but now that it is night I feel borderline depressed, but kinda sleepy and kinda dizzy...it's rather weird.
I got my mohawk back today. Green hair, facial piercings, and my mohawk...I am finally feeling like myself again.
I lost myself for a bit in 2017 and 2018. I was in the hospital for most of 2017 and I was in court trying to get my son back from foster care where he had to go when I was in the hospital. I dealt with court dates until Aug. 20. It was crazy! The judge didn't think a single parent in a wheelchair could take care of an 18 yer-old special needs child. She didn't seem to care that ! had raised him by myself since he was 2 months old, and that I was in and out of a wheelchair due to MS during that time. Our system is so broken. Child abusers get their kids back to abuse them again but me...well, I was in a wheelchair, so that makes evil, so that I can't have my son? They kept him away from me for so long and they sent him back to me on the wrong meds and sick and 3.5 weeks later he passed in his sleep from complications from Epilepsy, and I should of had more time with him, but our damn system played with me in court for several months for absolutely no reason. I have never been so angry and pissed and absolutely saddened by anything in my life! They stole my child, and then pumped the wrong meds in him for a year and sent him back to me sick, and he passed. My belief is that the CPS workers and the Republican judge killed my child. They stole my best friend. They killed the love of my life.
1-14-19
I am quite the yogurt fan. Yoplait is my favorite brand. Right now I am enjoying a Dunkin' French Vanilla Latte Yoplait Whips. It's fabulous! I have quite the sweet tooth, and switching from cookies and brownies and whatever else to the Yoplait Whips has been much easier than I thought it would be. Old habits are usually really hard to break, but thanks to yogurt, I broke the second hardest one. The first hardest one is cigarettes...I will work on quitting, but I have learned in the past that I cannot do it cold turkey. So, I am just trying to cut down gradually.
I got two facial piercings yesterday. I got snake bites. I really like the way they turned out but, damn!!! They hurt to get done!
1-13-19
Today is my son's birthday. He would have been 19. Adonia, Harmony, and I got helium balloons and wrote birthday wishes on them and then set them free to float up in the sky, hopefully to Heaven.
I miss him so much! He was the best part of me. He was my everything. He was so loved...I hope he knew that.
When I am depressed I do various body modifications. Today I got snake bite piercings.
My diet is still going well. I am munching on cucumber and apple slices. It's kinda hard to chew with 2 fresh piercings so they may actually help with my eating habits and lifestyle change. Fingers crossed!
1-12-19
Uh oh, Molly Roxx is on a diet! She can't be on a diet, she represents plus sized people all over the place!!
I am not on a diet, I am working on a few lifestyle changes. I need to get healthier so, I am eating all I want, every day, just as I always have...I am however only eating 5 things. Fruit, vegetables, yogurt, chicken, and Healthy Choice/Progresso soup. I need to make sure that my arteries don't clog now that I am middle aged. I need to get rid of this damn adult acne that has all of a sudden decided to fuck with me. I need to keep my MS and allergies in check, and I need to get some weight off of my arthritic knees. I have a lot on my plate. I will never be a skinny mini. I will never not stick up for the rights of plus sized people. But, I can become a healthier version of the same sarcastic, silly, witty, pain in the ass that I have always been and always will be.
I started my new eating plan on the first. I have lost 13 pounds so far. Once I start to feel healthier, I am going to try and quit smoking...for the hundredth time. I recently tried the patch, but it gave me some pretty heavy heart palpitations, so I can't use that again. I am going to look into some herbal supplements that may help me quit. I am a huge believer in herbal supplements!
1-11-2019
They always say the people who experience the most pain are the best writers. Well, I spent 2017 in the hospital and the hospice. I was planning for my death...then in 2018 my son passed away...Then I got ghosted by a fake friend. Do I qualify as someone who would be considered a good writer due to pain?
These days I feel like I want to run away...Even though I cannot run, or walk, or stand...I am stuck in a wheelchair right now. It sucks, but I try to make the best of it. I feel there is no need to mope round. I like fun and silly things. I can be serious but I choose not to be most of the time. I want to be happy, and I am not naive enough to believe that others will make me happy, so I have to make me happy. I wear fun glasses. I sing silly songs. I have an extremely dry wit. I am a star at puns...I am truly pretty happy...I do take 2 different meds for my clinical depression, they help me with my happy.
2018 flew by, and now it is 2019...Jan. 11...11 days have flown by so far and what am I doing with my life!?
A new year, a new resolution. I will get in shape and get my ass out of this wheelchair. I, in no way, have a need to be skinny...What I need to be is stronger, and that is my goal. Muscle weighs more than fat so maybe I will become even heavier...I can deal with that, a lot of society cannot...Oh well, sucks to be them. I actually find it funny that most of society has issues with people being plus sized. We're here, we're fat...GET USED TO THAT!
