10-19-17
I really am so entirely sick of this disease (Lymphedema). To gain 25 pounds over the course of 2 days because of fluid build-up. This is called the fat disease for a reason, but is there compassion from society? Nah, there are fat comments and shaming from society. You uneducated pieces of crap! Fucking judging people you do not know and thinking all we do is eat when our lymphatic system is being attacked and it’s not from anything we have done! We’re in pain from this bullshit and society feels that it is ok to verbally scold us due to our appearance because they have decided we are lazy pieces of crap because this disease makes us fat. They have absolutely no idea how much we go through and how hard we work and fight to get this disease to let up! I have spent most of the year in the hospital due to this illness and the day I was released, I got shamed by one of the hospital staff and a few weeks before hand I got shamed by another staff member. I schooled them both. Even the people who should know better are douche bags. You know, I do not mind being fat. I do not mind that people call me fat. I do mind however, being called lazy as I fight daily to be healthy and work and be a mom and be a daughter and a friend, and I’m seriously mad as hell about people not knowing why I am fat but just treating me like garbage for it! And what if I did not have this disease and I lived on cheesecake and donuts and was fat for that reason? It would still not be anyone’s right to insult me for my size. Freedom of speech is not freedom to be a judgmental shit. Be humane! Our country needs humanity and understanding more than it needs anything else right now.
10-15-17
How come I am alone?
How come I have no home?
How come I cannot walk?
How come no one wants to hear me talk?
How come I cannot see my son?
How come I never have any fun?
How come I am always in pain?
How come people take my friendship in vain?
How come no matter how hard I try
I get tossed aside for the next guy?
How come I am always sad?
How come my sadness makes others mad?
How come no matter how hard I work and try
I can never make enough of a living to get by?
How come others are what and who I want to be
When I try so damn hard I just wonder…
Why not me?
2017 has absolutely broken my heart, crushed my spirt, and trampled upon my soul. My leg issues and severe illness due to it…and losing my son. They just took him. A single parent gets sick and here comes foster care…and then to get him back? I have to jump thru all types of legal hoops as if me being in the hospital is the same as me robbing a liquor store at gunpoint. In 2 months and 5 days I go to court in attempts to get him back. That will be almost 3 complete months of me not being in the hospital. Just 3 months where they decided he should not be with me. I have gotten one call from him since June 21st. Just one! This boy is my life. They have taken my life, and they act like it’s no big deal. It’s not right! He is my reason for being. I never knew I could miss someone so much.
Yup, I'm blogging again!
10-11-17
2017 has not been my year...at all! Other than spending most of the year in the hospital, I lost my son to the foster care system since I am a single parent and was hospitalized and he could not stay with me. I also lost the ability to walk and am now wheelchair bound...I am currently staying with my father in Florida for 2 months and then moving into a new apartment in Lexington because I will finally be getting my son back home with me! The foster care system is a bitch! Making me jump through hoops like I am a bank robbing, child beating, drug addict when the truth is, all I did is get sick. I have Lymphedema and it caused cellulitis which was accompanied by some thyroid leg ulcers. I had fevers and sepsis and just horrible things happening to me, but through it all I went to court dates and got my son back once but ended up back in the hospital. Now, I can say confidently that I have no infections left. I finally got a wound care staff that knew what they were doing. It took 2 and a half months in-patient but everything is better...Except for my strength and muscle tone. So, for the next two months, and well the rest of my life, but starting just a few days ago...I am eating only fruit, vegetables, yogurt, and chicken. I am exercising and stretching every part of my body several times a day. I am working on me to be the best, most healthy and strongest me ever...Because my son deserves the best mom ever and even though that is already me, I am still going to improve on that.
Today is my 3rd full day in Florida and my 3rd full day of this new diet and I have not faltered. People seem to forget about fun vegetables like popcorn, I mean it's corn...no butter added but it's still really good. I sliced a potato very thin yesterday and baked up some chips for myself. I am making great smoothies with fruit and yogurt and ice. I am not counting calories. I am eating whenever I want. I am just cleansing my body of the crap it is holding on to.
I have been living in this wheelchair which has completely changed my life in the short amount of time I have been in it. It's been about 2 weeks, and I can no longer use a regular toilet because my chair doesn't fit in the bathrooms so I have to use a bedside commode with liners and I get to bag everything that comes out of me. I can no longer use the microwave because I simply cannot reach it. I cannot reach a lot of things. I am however, building up my muscles in the chair. Using my arms and using my legs to propel myself. I am doing laps in my dad's house every day for muscle mass to accumulate. He has a nice open floor plan so I can just roll across the whole house several times in a row. The scenery is boring lol, but I am not gonna let all of this crappy bad luck of 2017 beat me. It will not defeat me. That's not how this mama rolls!
Check out my new book shop! Just click the pic below.
